Marriage: 5 Things I Learned After 1 Month

Marriage is not easy, but it doesn’t have to be hard. After being married for one month, I have realized that marriages are grown through trial and error. When you get married, so much changes; you merge very different personalities, thoughts, feelings, and stuff as well as pressure and expectations you’ve never experienced before.

During some alone time, I got to thinking about what I have learned about marriage and what I wish I had acknowledged before tying the knot. So I have come up with a list of five of the major concepts I have learned in the past month of being married.

1. Listen To Advice

Let me tell you, when you are engaged or talking about getting engaged, everyone has an opinion and some kind of advice to give. Most of the time you don’t want to hear it and a lot of it sounds condescending and depressing, but you should listen and contemplate what they tell you. I ignored a lot of the advice that was given to me; I let it come in and I dismissed it believing that Jeremiah and I were going to be different.

2. “Me” Time Is Good

One of the main issues I faced when Jeremiah and I moved in together was realizing we didn’t need to spend every waking moment together. I was so overwhelmed by feeling like I couldn’t take time for myself. There is nothing wrong with stepping back to be alone in order to think or relax. When we finally talked about my frustration and encouraged each other to start doing the things that we enjoy, we were able to feel more like ourselves and appreciate each other.

3. Respect The Other’s Stuff

This sounds like a no brainer, but what I mean by this is all the extra stuff that comes with a person when you get married and move in together. I never realized how much stuff Jeremiah actually had that was just stored away in boxes. When I came over to help unpack, I was overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I had never seen Jeremiah use and I felt that it was cluttering our apartment. I pressured him constantly to go through his boxes and continuously asked him about items I felt could be donated.

Looking back, I realize how stressed this made him feel and that these items meant something to him. Once I understood that he needed to work through his boxes at a slower pace than I was asking of him, I noticed he enjoyed showing and telling me stories about the items inside. Remember, your apartment/house doesn’t have to be unpacked in a day or a week… just have fun with it and relish in being with and learning about your spouse.

4. Communication Is Key

Another obvious one, but it makes the list, because even though I knew that Jeremiah and I needed to communicate in order to have a successful marriage, we weren’t quite communicating enough. There were things around the apartment that were bugging me or I would need space, but I would be afraid to tell him, because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or not be a good spouse. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was for these conversations. My advice: just break the honesty barrier as soon as possible. Jeremiah and I built our relationship on honesty, but once we were married, I felt so much more pressure to make him happy, so I put my feelings aside. That is not a healthy choice, so be open about what you need or how you feel and just discuss it.

5. Marriage Is Not A Science

It’s important to know that there is not a right or wrong way to be married. Every marriage looks different. During the first few weeks of our marriage, I was constantly comparing myself to other wives. I was sizing us up against the other married folks we were around and I kept thinking I was doing something wrong. Being married seemed easier to those other couples and I kept thinking about how I could change and be better, because I wanted Jeremiah to be happy and satisfied with me.

There was one instance where I asked Jeremiah if I was being a good wife; he smiled at me and expressed how much he appreciated and loved me. There isn’t one foolproof way to be a “good” wife. The way you respect and honor your spouse is different for everyone, because it has to do with our personalities, hobbies, and strengths. So be confident in yourself and remember not to compare yourself to others.

Marriage is an amazing thing! It might not always be easy and Jeremiah and I might have had a rough transition, but through trial and error as well as communication and honesty, we have really started to grow as a married couple.

Did you like this post? Pin it for later:

  • Todd Grey

    To follow up on your comment about alone time, the husband also needs to spend some time with other men, and the wife with other women. Your spouse will never be able to meet every one of your needs, and if you expect them to you’ll both be stressed and disappointed.

    The way you respect & honor your spouse today may be different tomorrow, and will definitely be different in a year or 5.

    • Lauren

      Thank you! I completely agree! It’s hard to get out of your comfort zone and/or make the time to spend with others, but I think it really makes a difference. Jeremiah and I have been brainstorming on ways to make friends now that we are adults and living somewhere new. Any suggestions??

  • Aww Lauren, what a great post! So full of love.

    I especially like this sentence: “It’s important to know that there is not a right or wrong way to be married.”
    That is so compassionate and allows room for your own unique way of expression and co-creating your marriage with Spirit. Yay! <3

    I also wanted to mention that for me, humor is really key. (Laughing can really help me!!) That and learning how to state my own needs & respect my partner's too!

    Sending you and Jeremiah so much joy. Blessings…. Debbie

    • Lauren

      Thank you so much Debbie! 🙂

      Having a sense of humor is something that I struggle with, but I think it would really help me as well as our relationship. I have trouble laughing at myself or whenever something goes wrong. I have been described often as a stick in the mud and I’m really self-conscious about it and am not sure why I take everything so seriously. I’m a work in a progress for sure!